Aaron Ramsdale - the man through suffering at Arsenal

Usually these types of narratives will start with some good story, right? It's okay to be funny sometimes. I remember when I was studying English, I was taught that you should open your lesson with something shocking.

But, I'm afraid we have a bit of a problem here...

Because of the time I joined Arsenal, to be honest, I didn't have as many funny stories to tell as everyone else. Many players I know often say: "Yes, it was Arsene Wenger who called me". Or someone will talk about fans gathering outside their homes, singing their names.

What about my story? To be honest, when the news started to break, the only thing I remember was how the whole world hated me, everyone said I was a terrible goalkeeper.

Things actually started off well. I was called up to England on the preliminary list before the Euros. That alone is great enough. At that time, my agent just called and told me that Arsenal were "interested" in me. And in football today, you don't know what that care means. But I still tried to calm myself.

I just asked: "Interested? What is it?"

He just replied: "Who knows? That's interest."

"So that means they want to sign me, right?" I asked.

"Maybe so, maybe not. But they really care."

The next day, I happened to see Bukayo Saka drinking coffee. At that time, I wasn't close to him, so I thought to myself, "How can I ask him?"

I mean, how should I start a conversation with him?

Shouldn't it be straight up "Hey, good morning, Bukayo. How are you? Oh, and you know that your club is interested in me?"

How ridiculous it sounds!

But you're listening to the right news. That's exactly what I told Bukayo.

He replied that the news was true, coach Mikel Arteta actually called to ask him to ask for information about me, about the person I am. I guess Bukayo must have told Mikel that I'm a decent, decent guy. Why? Because just a few days later, I got a call from my agent telling me the deal was in progress.

Can you believe it?! That's Arsenal. One of the happiest days of my life and nothing more. All my teammates texted me congratulations. Which is "You are number one", "You are a legend", "You are number one". My whole family is as happy as walking on clouds. What's better than this?

Then I came back from practice, picked up the phone, and blew it hot while watching. Really, really hot! I see up to 100 lines of messages. From the blue bird app (Twitter), ping, ping, ping. I was like, "What the hell?" From Instagram, also ping, ping, ping. Normally, in the past, my phone only had about 15 or 20 notifications per day at most, and three of them were from my mother. I went to Twitter and saw the news was leaked. What caught my eye were almost all comments mocking and disparaging me.

"Aaron Ramsdale, dare you to come here! You're nuts!"

"Two times relegation? Bad contract!"

"24 million pounds? What an idiot!"

Fortunately, there was still a petty comment: "Welcome to North London, Aaron!"

But most of it is ping, ping, ping: "Idiot! Bad guy!..."

After the shock, I calmly thought: "OK, that's right. It's my fault, who asked for the notification display mode to do what. Modern football is inherently like that. Social networks are full of toxic things. . They're just making fun of themselves, I guess? Well, there's nothing to worry about."

I went into my room and turned on the TV. Looking to football is the only way for me to relax. I'm crazy about football. If you don't believe me, just ask my wife. I'm actually just a football fan that was lucky enough to play football. If I was driving, I would open a podcast about football. If I was at home and my wife Georgina was watching her favorite show, I would lie on the sofa next to her and open my iPad, watching whatever football game was on Sky.

So I opened the Sky Sports Newsletter. On the news were former players, experts, commentators sitting at round tables, shaking their heads wildly. Behind them was a screen displaying a portrait of a certain guy. Ah, that's my face. It's just, they're not happy to talk about me.

"Bad signing. Not good enough for Arsenal."

"That's too expensive. I don't like the deal."

"Two times relegation? 24 million pounds? Stupid!"

Just kidding, the last line was made up by me. But that was the general tone of their conversation. They must not be my fans. It's a one-of-a-kind experience, as you watch your childhood idols tell the nation that you're trash. I'm sad, the pain is the other way around. In just a few hours, I felt like I had fallen from cloud nine.

I turn off the TV. I also turn off all social media notifications.

Fortunately, after Euro 2020, things calmed down a bit. I'm really excited to join the club of my dreams and start a new journey.

Arsenal. Unbelievable! Quit the whispers, stop the mockery, now it's time to celebrate!

Call the warriors. Those guys call me "Legend". They will never let me down. Never.

But when they came to my house to check on me, the first thing these guys said was...

"Hey brother, have you read what people say about you?"

"Stop it! I don't want to know!"

"Read it mate, there are some funny memes about him. Look at this!"

Oh, that's right, dear friends!

You know, they say you have to be a little crazy to want to be a goalkeeper. But in the house, I am the most alert.

My oldest brother, Edward, is a prison guard. The second brother, Oliver, is a West End stage actor. And my father is an old-timer. He didn't like fashionable European football, the kind of ball that had to stay in the goalkeeper's feet. My dad insisted that he would call Coach Arteta and tell him, "Just kick the ball for the number nine, son."

That's my dad!

My mother is a worried person. For example, if my eldest brother—a prison guard, remind you—goes out for a beer with a coworker, she'll probably stay awake until he texts to say he's home safely. . But my brother is 32 years old and not a child anymore. Yet he kept texting like this: "Yes mom, I'm home, curled up in bed. Love you x."

I'm the youngest in the family, and probably the lightest one. Whenever someone compliments me on my courage to pursue my football dreams, I just laugh. Oliver is the real superstar of the family. He is the brave one. Three weeks before he was about to go to college in Bedford, he told his parents that he would follow his heart. Oliver doesn't want to be a gym teacher anymore. He wanted to follow his real life dream, and attended theater and film school. So he literally packed up, went to London to pursue a whole new life.

But it wasn't the bravest thing Oliver had ever done. I don't admire him for that either. My brother is gay and since his school days, he has always led an authentic and open life. I am proud that you are such a person. I've never talked about this before, but with the state of football today, I think I need to speak up. In many ways, Oliver is very similar to me. He lives a normal life. Love football. Likes to hang out with friends. And also love Arsenal. Oliver is proud of me and I'm really proud of him.

Over the years, I have endured countless times – both in the dressing room and on social media – whenever I read homophobic comments or stupid things like that. I think maybe my brother did the same, because he lived that way to lighten his head.

But, today all of this has to come to an end.

It's not easy to open up like this, but there's no such thing as "right time". I started telling this story early in the summer and my family totally approves.

If I had told my life story, I wouldn't have done it.

When I signed for Arsenal, I could stand all the comments about me personally. But some of them involve my family and that's a bit of a stretch.

As a goalkeeper, I am no stranger to insults. You can say whatever you want about me, because I'll just laugh. Sometimes I will turn to respond. But when it crosses the line, becoming homophobic or hateful, that's simply wrong.

I've long been used to comments: "Shut up Ramsdale. Worry about football".

But this is about football. Football is for everyone. If you disagree, you're probably the one who needs to shut up and question yourself.

And listen, you have many ways to attack me without going over the line. I'm just a football fan like everyone else. If the club signed me, maybe I would have doubts. Until joining Arsenal, my whole life was basically a series of failures.

When I was 15 years old, I was kicked out of Bolton because even my shirt didn't fit. I'm so small that it's like I'm wearing my dad's clothes. I went to five or six other clubs in the area but all I got in return were rejections.

What a shame indeed! Because when I was in school, at school I only talked about football, about how I would become a goalkeeper. I have a respected English teacher, Mr. Kerr. Mr. Kerr always let me relate every topic in the class to football. He can let me rant about West Brom or Chelsea for 10 minutes, as long as he can get back to what he's learning. So after I got kicked out of Bolton, I felt like I was going to collapse, because that was part of what everyone knew about me at school. He no longer sees me talking. I was so humiliated that I didn't dare tell my friends.

For me, the dream was shattered.

Then, one time after school, Mr. Kerr asked me what was wrong. I just told the teacher. I remember he said very sincerely, saying: "Well, how many clubs are there in our country? Must be more than 80? Either way you will find a club of your own. Don't give up. Never give up. Now give up on the dream."

A few weeks later, Sheffield Utd let me join their academy. If only I could say they hired me. But it's more like they let me in.

Four years later, I caught my first real professional match for Chesterfield. We played away against Accrington Stanley. Around mid-January. The ground was all muddy, as far as I remember. In the second half, I conceded a home goal that was probably the most pathetic you've ever seen. We were losing 0-3 at the time and I made the whole field angry: "It's all your fault! It's all your fault! It's all your fault!"

You feel so small at that moment. Playing in League Two (England's 4th division) that day, the crowd of fans was right behind you, just turn around and you can see someone's face clearly.

They are so close to the players that it becomes a bit awkward to say nothing. I thought, "You know what? If I was also sitting in the stands next to my friends with a full stomach of beer, I'd also be interested in cursing a certain player on the pitch."

So in the next away game, I don't know what the devil did, but when the fans started booing me, I turned around, aimed at a guy and waved, grinning.

The whole arena just turned to him and laughed.

It was as if I had lifted a burden.

The whole game, whenever it stopped, I would go back and make jokes with the crowd. If the game is good, the whole audience will laugh. And if it's pale, they'll whistle. It sounds ridiculous, but that's pretty much how I deal with pressure. When you have to go down to League Two, or just stay in the Championship, you play football for many people's livelihood. When we were relegated to Chesterfield, I remember the staff had to leave the club after the last game with their belongings in cardboard boxes. I thought that scene only happened in movies. I remember thinking to myself: the locker room staff, the cleaners, the ticket agents,... all lost their jobs because of the results on the pitch.

That's what real life is.

It was a life lesson, unfortunately I had to learn it over and over again. The first four professional seasons of my career, my team finished 24th, 20th, 18th and 20th. Up until last season's title race at Arsenal, I had literally never been competitive. trophies at club level.

Perhaps this is a reminder to all the young players out there, who have always been taught that dreams end if you can't reach perfection.

As long as you meet the right people who believe in you and show them your hard work and contribution to the team, then it doesn't matter what your haters say. Arteta saw something special in me and that's all I needed. I remember the first time I met him, he said, "Just be yourself!"

Maybe some people will think Mikel and I are out of phase. He is extremely determined and sometimes too serious. While I am a joker. But that's how we got along.

Mikel once explained to me that he wanted me to play higher, as well as more aggressive. So every day through the training sessions, I stand taller, more fierce.

But he kept saying, "No, no, higher."

Every day, higher.

"That's right, that's right. No, higher."

I used to think: "What the hell, it's almost the middle of the field, teacher. How much higher?"

Actually, it's great to work together like that, because Mikel lets me speak my mind, because I feel it's a bit dangerous to play too aggressively. But then Mikel showed me 10, 20 examples of the styles of teams he wanted us to emulate. There were times when I suddenly thought: "Oh my god, but we are watching Barcelona at its peak. Are you sure we can do it too?"

But then, we were finally able to compromise that, I don't have to think too much, because the results speak for themselves.

In the first 5 minutes of the game, I didn't touch the ball once, I didn't make a single save. But they all sing my name.

I got goosebumps. There was a moment when I looked up at that crowd, just to absorb their energy. At that moment, I realized: Those are the true fans. They set off to West Brom on Wednesday evening. Yes, somewhere on the internet there are still some idiots making fun of themselves. But never mind! Loyal fans are here to support me.

That's when I felt like I was at home.

The first two seasons in North London have been fantastic for me overall. Of course, we didn't reach the end goal last season and I still feel the pain. But when I think about the process and the progress we've made, I'm really proud. Assuming I'm just a mere football fan and looking at things from the outside, the quality of people we have is simply amazing.

I will never forget that moment in the 2021-2022 season when we just fell off the top four target. For me personally, that was when I assured we were on the right track. I sat next to Bukayo on the drive back from the Newcastle game, where we lost 0-2. Everyone was full of disappointment, but it was only the young players who grew up from the academy like Bukayo and Emile that they felt the heavy pressure. After that loss, they literally collapsed to the floor in the dressing room. While in the car, Bukayo didn't say anything. Usually we talk to each other, even after a setback. But that day, the atmosphere was dead. That's why I texted him, even though I was sitting right next to him. I asked him if he was okay, if he wanted to talk for a bit.

We talked for about 5 minutes. I'm not going to tell the full story of this conversation, but I kind of explained to Bukayo that I've had a lot of failures in football and he should be proud of helping the team climb from second place. 8 to 5th, especially with all the insults he received after Euro 2020.

It should be remembered, the best rank I ever achieved was 18th place.

Failure gives us more valuable lessons than success, when the whole world is constantly praising.

Yes, we didn't win anything last season, but we have come a long way from 8th to 5th, to 2nd. I love the culture we're building at the club. This. This is when you choose to be a "Gunner". Personally, I have to thank my teammates, the head coach, the entire coaching staff and the fans for always supporting me last season.

The lives of our players have things that the public cannot know. The past year has been full of mixed emotions for me and my family. After joining Arsenal to the top of the Premier League and participating in the World Cup for the first time, my wife and I received good news when we were about to have our first child. Mikel gave me a few days to relax after the World Cup, so I decided to take a short vacation with my wife. It was indeed the happiest time of our lives. Well, it's not easy to say this, but I feel like maybe everyone needs to know...

On the flight back home, my wife had a miscarriage.

Really, I don't know how to describe the pain that tormented me during the six-hour flight back to London, even now. I just want everyone out there to know that, if you're going through the same thing, you're not alone. When I got there, I didn't tell this story to many people. I only speak for my family, my teammates and of course Mikel. I must say, Mikel is such a wonderful person. In the middle of the championship race, with a lot of pressure on the club, but he still asked me if I needed more rest to sort things out. More than necessary, Mikel wanted to make sure that my family and I were okay.

To me, being a coach means that.

There are things that he and I do not have the same opinion. We also sometimes argue about certain topics in football. But Mikel always cared deeply about his students, and from the way he cared about our sufferings, I will always respect him.

Three days later we had a derby against Tottenham. For me, football is still the only way to forget everything. Football is my way to relax. I told Mikel that I wanted to play on the field. That night couldn't have been better. In the spotlight, we won 2-0 and our fans went crazy. If you watch the game again, you can see I had a big smile on my face when I took the last kick. When I went back to grab the water bottle behind the goal, in a million years I would never have thought that I was kicked in the back by a Tottenham fan.

I've had some bitter fights with fans across all the leagues in England. They used to call me the worst. But never before has things gone so far. I remember when I went back to the dressing room, I couldn't even celebrate with my teammates because I had to go to testify before the police.

You know, I feel bad for the guy who dumped me, because I said to myself: If only he knew who I am, knew what I've really been through, there's no way he'd do that. If the flow of life rushes, at some point, he and I meet by chance and talk about football, maybe we will become friends.

That's part of the reason why I wanted to write this post, to share my story with my family for the first time. Especially in recent years, when we have seen so many negative and toxic things in football. Whether it's on the football field or on social media, it seems a lot of people have acted without thinking.

After this letter was published, I am sad to say that I know I will receive messages regarding my wife and brother. There are other players who have received even worse messages, especially black teammates. For some reason, social media sites don't seem to mind blocking them at all.

But for me, the problem is not finding a way to stop it, nor the story of the people who make fun of social media. I know I won't be able to reach them. To me, we simply need to stand up for what is right.

I want to be that person, a father like that.

This summer, Georgina and I received a priceless gift. We received good news when we were about to become parents. A baby "Gunners" is about to be born and we are extremely happy.

When you know that you are going to be a father, you really think about the future, about the person you want to be.

For me, it is clear that I dream of winning the Premier League, marching with the Cup through North London. Then there's the World Cup, the Champions League too. I have all those dreams, but those are the dreams of a football player.

Personally, I have another dream.

I want this sport that I love to be a safe and welcoming place for all. I want my brother Ollie – or anyone of any gender, race and religion – to be able to come to football without fear of abuse.

So when we lift the Cup at the Emirates, I want my brother to be there with me.

Then see what haters on social networks will say? Without words.

Love you, brother!

Aaron.